Twenty-Five: In Which Klaus isn't Klaus

[myblimpisbigger]

A. Morning; Around Mayfield

[Klaus is taking his adorable class of drone kindergartners on another field trip around town today! And guess what the subject is? The people of the town and how they all, to a one, have some horrible and irredeemable flaw. If he knows you? That flaw is going to be very specific. But can you really get mad at him in front of a group of adorable children?]

Shhh, class, look. There's another one now.

B. Afternoon; 729 Anderson; Locked to Tarvek Sturmvoraus

[There is a very large green pod dragging down the front of the miniature Castle Wulfenbach, which is trying to very valiantly to float proudly in Wulfenhaus airspace nonetheless. It's listing pretty badly. Who cares about the pod, someone help the airship!]

C. Late Afternoon; Around Mayfield; Locked to Garviel Loken

[There are two Klaus Wulfenbachs beating the shit out of each other on a street near you, Mr. Space Marine! Wat do?]

Comments

C

[lunawolves10th.livejournal.com]

[ Stare in confusion, mostly. ]

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[Yeah, shit is pretty whack. They're a perfectly even match, too, which makes this even weirder to watch. Every hit is countered, every counter is circumvented, every circumvention is blocked.]

Garviel! Help me subdue him, would you?

[lunawolves10th.livejournal.com]

I would... but I'm not sure which one of you I should.... did you do this with an experiment?

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

Ah, no, I think this is Mayfield's attempts at being horrifying going strangely awry and merely becoming annoying.



[PodKlaus, have fun getting punched in the face.]

No.

[lunawolves10th.livejournal.com]

[ Garviel raises his bolter, but still looks unsure. ]

.... So why are you two fighting instead of working together?

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[You know, that's a good question, actually. Klaus is tempted to just say 'we're Sparks, it's what we do', but he feels Garviel wouldn't find that as funny as he does.]

We are fighting because this clone is rude, unhelpful, and has furthermore been defaming my character all day -- and in front of my students, no less!

[lunawolves10th.livejournal.com]

And what lessons were those?

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[PUNCH'D YET AGAIN.]

Do you see what I mean?

[lunawolves10th.livejournal.com]

[ Garvi looks at not-clone Klaus, since the differences are fairly obvious. ]

Do you want me to deal with him?

[velesdonnersen.livejournal.com]

[Tarvek, having already found out about the podding issues, is walking back to his home on Taylor Road, when, lo!, what should he see but that irritating, pompous, predictably vainglorious miniature of Castle Wulfenbach...with a pod dripping like green snot from its nose.]

[He sighs. He scowls. He mutters under his breath. He is soooo inclined to leave Klaus trapped. So very... After all. It's Kluas-Evil-Overlord-Wulfenbach, after all. Let HIM rescue himself!]

[But....]

[No. He will rescue the idiot. Tarvek goes to his garage, collects an assortment of devices, quickly sparks together a small one-man rescue balloon, and dumps them all in his hot little red convertible. He proceeds to race on over to Klaus' Haus. As he's inflating the mini-balloon, he shouts up,]

Wulfenbach, you're going to owe me for this. I am RESCUING you.

Be prepared to be saved. Idiot.

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[You know, Tarvek, it isn't as though Klaus wouldn't just punch his way out of this thing if he could. Unfortunately, there's that nasty little side effect of being inside a pod rendering one unconscious. Pity Sun didn't think of that when he built his healing engine, or things might have gone very differently.

The Castle, however, drifts on the end of its tether, as though trying to keep away from Tarvek's (much more practical) balloon.]

[velesdonnersen.livejournal.com]

[Muttering the entire time, Tarvek piles his tools into the basket of the balloon, and begins his ascent.]

[Undervoice.]

Damned idiot Wulfenbach has to be in verdammt Mayfield. Of course. What else should I expect? [heavy, world-shattering sigh] Red lightening, the man is such a nuisance.

[He reaches the pod, and begins to cautiously cut into it, then thinks better of the entire notion. After all, does he want to try to pick Klaus loose in mid-air, with the man kvetching and pissing the whole time? Nooooooooo! Instead he maneuvers util the pod is safely in the basket of the balloon -- which takes some strength and some leverage, let me tell you! -- and then cuts the pod free from Castle Wulfenbach.]

Like cleaning a booger off the nose of your blimp. Such a cute little blimp, too.

[He descends, settles, and begins to free Klaus, not bothering to get out of the basket. Soon enough he has Klaus' head worked free.]

1/2

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[Tarvek is very lucky Klaus can't hear all of his whining. Not that he'd be surprised, but whining when he can't even put his hands over his ears is just unfair.

And don't call Baby Castle Wulfenbach cute.

Even if it totally is.

At least Tarvek has the good graces to finally cut him free, which allows him to regain consciousness. OH BY THE WAY THERE IS GOO IN THE POD. GREEN GOO.]

... Ugh, what... Sturmvoraus? What is going on?

2/2

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

RED FIRE!

[Translation: WHAT THE FUCKING WHAT IS GOING ON WHY AM I COVERED IN GOO IT IS IN MY HAIR I CAN'T EVEN

CAN'T

EVEN

BOY YOU HAVE SO MUCH EXPLAINING TO DO]

A

[doofenstrudel]

[An upset-looking Heinz Doofenshmirtz is on his lunch break, trying to get his thoughts together. Home had been full of harassment. Work had been full of abuse. The park... he could have lunch in the park, spackle together what remained of his self-esteem, and face the rest of the day with some dignity.

He's in the middle of taking a gulp of coffee from his thermos when Klaus and his class come wandering past. Hey! Klaus! How long had it been since they had talked? They had gotten on just great! He hastily swallows that mouthful of coffee, and calls out.]

Klaus! Hello there! Boy, am I glad to see you...

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[The kids instinctively gather a little closer to their teacher, looking at Doof with wide and curious eyes.]

[doofenstrudel]

[Oh dear, he was bringing the entire gaggle of children over. Were they going to touch him? No, no, not that, they looked sticky, some of them...]

Ah, Klaus, if you could...

[Requests to keep the little darlings away fizzled on launch. He's left there, jaw hanging slightly open, looking wounded.]

...now, now wait just a minute! You haven't even seen my lair! I have been working on it! I am making ACTUAL PROGRESS!

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[Yes! Sticky children! COWER IN FEAR, DOOF!]

[doofenstrudel]

I... I...

[Most of today's assaults on his character have not been so painful. He actually kind of liked Klaus. And wanted to impress him. It was no fun to have no obvious way to impress him.

He squirms uncomfortably on the bench.]

That isn't true! I've been occupied! I've been useful! It was me who helped distill that super-zombie virus!

[...oh no, why did he admit that]

A

[ironicjournal.livejournal.com]

[ Oh hey, kindergartners and some dude. ]

Why yes there is.

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[Oh hey, no kindergartners and some... bro.]

[ironicjournal.livejournal.com]

Nah, man, you don't gotta have the kiddies shun me for bein' so peasant-like. I'm such a gentleman it's ridiculous.

[myblimpisbigger.livejournal.com]

[ironicjournal.livejournal.com]

[ Tut tut. ]

Poor misguided bro. Why are you teachin' kids about humanity, anyway. Supposed to be a lifelong lesson in disappointment, not right off the bat.