myblimpisbigger | Twenty-Six: In Which Klaus Nears Dangerous Levels of Fatherly Sap

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Twenty-Six: In Which Klaus Nears Dangerous Levels of Fatherly Sap

[Phone]

I must admit to being somewhat disappointed. Despite the usual slew of phone calls pointing out how obvious a trap this is, I have yet to see any evidence. Furthermore, my turkey has proved remarkably boring. I was expecting something at least as interesting as last year, but I suppose an infinite turkey loop was just too difficult for Mayfield to craft on short notice.

[There's a small pause.]

Now, this holiday does not exist where I am from; the concept of giving thanks is understandably difficult for a country of self-obsessed madmen to grasp. I would like to think, however, that being in Mayfield for over a year has made me somewhat less self-obsessed, even if its effects on my madness have been negligible.

I am grateful for my sons, the one that I fathered and the ones I have come to regard as part of my family since arriving here. I am grateful for their, if not forgiveness, at least understanding for my many faults. I was given a second chance here in terms of raising a son according to his needs rather than my plans, and I am grateful for that.

I am only sorry that it took a place like Mayfield to show me how badly I had been doing before.

[Residents of 729 Anderson, your turkey has been dissected. Carved. Whatever. Same thing, really. Klaus won't be eating any because he's not stupid and just because it's not coming alive or full of spiders doesn't mean it's not dangerous, but you're welcome to some. Waffles are clearly superior anyway. Waffles and alcohol? Doubly so. Who knew Klaus got sappy instead of getting tipsy?]

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[Staring at the turkey dissection.]

So... what, the holiday is just about being thankful for stuff and eating? At school they were saying something about... Indians and Pilgrims, whoever they were, I didn't really get it.

I have done a bit of research attempting to understand it myself, as where I come from the Americas are nigh impenetrable. From what I gather, the Pilgrims were people who settled the Americas, despite the fact that the Indians already lived there. The Pilgrims apparently had no idea how to take care of themselves and thus relied on the Indians whose home they had effectively stolen to provide them with food, for which they were apparently grateful despite not entirely deserving it.

It's strange what this reality considers a proper holiday.

[Hiccup, the turkey dissection is the coolest thing okay, don't hate. Klaus takes another swig of his beer and gets back to it. He's attempting to remove the wishbone. Do vikings have that particular tradition?]

[No, no wishbones in viking tradition, just lots of roast birds. Hiccup's wary enough of the turkey, but it smells really good and he wants to try some despite his misgivings.]

Yeah, it kind of really is.

...you think it's really okay to eat?

Others have been saying as much over the phones. I personally do not trust it, but it doesn't seem poisoned and I assure you, I would be able to tell.

[And there's the wishbone free! Klaus gets up to wash it in the sink.]

I don't suppose you have this tradition in Berk, but the Etruscans and later the Romans used to believe that this particular bone brought good luck. Superstitious, but entertaining.

...why would a bone bring luck?

[SILLY AND CONFUSING.]

They believed chickens, who have a near identical bone structure, to be prophetic. Roosters crowed to herald the dawn and hens announced their eggs before they were laid. Of course this is all meaningless; roosters crow at all times of day and night and hens squawk because laying eggs is not exactly pleasant. But the superstition stuck, as superstitions tend to do.

[He places the bone on one of the kitchen shelves to dry; Dexter and Hiccup can break it later, maybe. Or they'll just start a bone collection. Either/or.]

...chickens. Really.

That is so weird.

[...he may be sneaking a bit of turkey.

It tastes okay.

Actually it tastes really good.]

Well, I'm thankful you're not the kind of dad that'll force me to sit down and watch football with him.

[As Dexter begins to stuff his face with the turkey. And the waffles. Why choose just one?]

That would require me to have a basic knowledge of what football is.

[Beer and waffles is definitely better than turkey and waffles. One day you will learn, Dexter.]

That's even better! It's a thing you don't want to ever get into, for it is brutish and barbaric and from what i am seeing this town absolutely loves it.

I am honestly surprised with how things go in this town, that I have not been forced onto the field.

But I digress, I am grateful that this town has given me an adequate father figure who shares my love of the finer things in life.

I don't actually understand all this talk about the turkeys! [What is human Holidays, much less American.]

It sounds like that this place has been very good to you and your hiv-I mean home is full of good people!

Well. I wouldn't say it has been good to me, but in terms of housemates, yes, one could make the argument that I have had it better than most.

[I mean, now that his evil brainwashing genocidal maniac of an ex-girlfriend isn't his wife anymore...

And he misses her.

Yeah this house is actually pretty messed up.]

Concerning the turkeys: today, from what I gather, is some sort of holiday in the time this town is modeled from. This holiday involves, among other things, eating turkeys. Last year said turkeys were poisoned, boobytrapped, and in some cases came alive and attacked those they were sent to. Thus, the immediate assumption that these turkeys are also likely to be more than they seem.

Edited 2011-11-25 06:56 (UTC)

Oh. Good housemates is nice!

So this Holiday wants people to eat turkeys and be thankful. This is such a weird thing to celebrate! Are all Human holidays like this?

[She's is the most curious.]

They all tend to promote a sense of good will, I think, to make up for the fact that most humans are self-serving and manipulative the rest of the time. As a species we are not the most generous, and so we arrange special days to prove that we are, so we can feel less guilty the rest of the year.

Human psychology is a fascinating thing, I have found. I take it you are another species entirely, yes?

I wouldn't know. I have only recently started speaking to people, but everyone seems rather nice here. I guess, maybe self-serving isn't always bad. I don't understand Human Holidays in general though.

Yes. I'm a troll!

[Sara doesn't comment on the turkey. It's still suspicious but he doesn't seem like someone who can be easily talked out of anything, and besides...

The second part of his phone call interests her a lot more.]

I don't think you need to be sorry for that. I think it takes something bad happening to learn the things we need to learn, sometimes. It's sad, but it's true.

Most truths, I have found, are unpleasant.

[After all, it took the genocide of his country for him to realize exactly how bad he was at knowing whom to trust.]

But there were signs long before I came here that I had erred in my parenting practices. Just because my methods achieved the desired results did not make them the best. Certainly not the most conducive to a decent father-son relationship.

Well, if you wish to grace us with your presence of salmonella, Escherichia coli, or anything else, then be my guest.

[ But, hey, she does listen to what he says. ]

... Though, I guess sometimes you have to roll with the punches, hm?

I haven't actually eaten any, I'm not mad.

[...Yes you are, Klaus, that's practically the whole point of your character. Shh. Shhhh.]

And... yes. I suppose I have merely grown too used to punching back, as it were.

I'm sure.

[ There's a slight teasing tone in her voice, but that's all there is. ]

At least you have your fighting spirit.

Often times that is all one has. It is good to maintain it, especially in a place like Mayfield, which to the best of my knowledge is intent on breaking us entirely.

And then we don't let them win.

Edited 2011-11-26 11:42 (UTC)

You finally figured that out? Now that is surprising.

[... Agatha pls go.]

Despite what you would like to believe, Lady Heterodyne, I am not entirely a fool.

Of course not. But incredibly stubborn? Yes.

[Alright, you've got him there. Want a medal?]

You would not believe what having your son repeatedly murdered will do for your appreciation of your relationship with him.

[Yes.]

Incredibly stubborn if that's what it took.

Hiccup?

[There was silence at Gil's end of the phone. Hearing all of this was a shock for the young Wulfenbach. He sort of questioned if this was really the same man from before. The one who ruled with an iron fist. Could a man like Klaus really change from a place like this?]

I..wont lie to you, si- Father, you don't sound like yourself.

[Said in the most composed manner he could muster.]

[It's bad manners to do things like this over the phone, isn't it? But Klaus knew he'd have a harder time saying what he said if it were to Gil's face. He still has to deal with the reaction, but at least he got it out there in the first place.

Predictably, Gil is unsure. Klaus expected this. This is coming from the boy that flinched when he tried to ruffle his hair in a fatherly manner, after all. Baby steps.]

I don't? Mm. I admit I can't decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, given the context.

I meant what I said, Gilgamesh. The way I chose to raise you achieved exactly what I wished it to achieve -- you grew up strong, independent, brilliant, and as emotionally detached from me as possible. In Europa, that was ideal. It meant that when I died and it came time for you to rule, you wouldn't be too preoccupied with mourning your father or wishing he was still around to guide your decisions as Tyrant.

[He gives a small sigh.]

But it meant that I never truly got to have a son any more than you ever truly got to have a father. That was the one great flaw.

[Gil, you know how you always try to hard to catch your father in a mistake? This is a big one. And he's handing it to you. Is it you, or does he sound kind of... tired?]

[Gil remained quiet in listening to his father's words. The way Klaus confessed to everything Gil knew all to well. It was strange to hear. Gil could only imagine the expression on his face.]

I see.

[His reply was short and quick. It was obvious that troubled thoughts met with his mind. How was he supposed to reply to this? Was Klaus expecting a quick 'I forgive you' and let it be? Or was there more to this? Gil had half a mind to think this was another test. His brow twitched down, expressing his frustration with the matter.]

The fact that you're recognizing this is really unexpected.

[His eyes lightly squinted into the phone, expecting a sort of yell to leap from the speaker.]

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Twenty-Six: In Which Klaus Nears Dangerous Levels of Fatherly Sap

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